49. 3 Simple Things To Do When You’re Feeling Helpless or Hopeless That Can Help
49. SHOW NOTES
Hi my friend!
Have you ever felt trapped in a situation? Or like you had no choice or way out? Some of us have lived through one or more pretty horrible experiences, and those experiences could have planted helplessness and hopelessness deep within our psyche.
"Learned Helplessness" is a condition discovered by Martin Seligman and Steve Maier and directly relates to our hopelessness levels.
The beauty of the human experience is our ability to endure trauma and drama. But more importantly, to heal and become wiser through it all.
There seems to be this season when the helpless/hopeless feelings are so much to bear that it's hard to see past the pain and believe that we'll feel better ever again.
Today we are diving into a study that illustrates how we are affected by helplessness and three tips to help us escape those hopeless and helpless feelings.
We have to be intentional to help ourselves come out of those feelings. Otherwise, they can lead us to deeper seasons of despair and depression. But there's hope! :)
If you'd like more info about a 1-on-1 coaching session with me OR if you need prayer, please send an email to hello@danisumner.com
Much love,
Dani
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3 Simple Things To Do When You’re Feeling Helpless Or Hopeless That Can Help
Ever felt trapped in a situation? Or like you had no choice or way out? Some of us have lived through one or more pretty horrible experiences, and those experiences could have planted helplessness and hopelessness deep within our psyche.
The beauty of the human experience is our ability to endure trauma and, more importantly, to heal and become wiser through it.
But there seems to be this season in our lives when the helpless/hopeless feelings are so much to bear that it's hard to see past the pain and believe that we'll feel better ever again.
"Learned Helplessness" is a condition discovered by Martin Seligman and Steve Maier and directly relates to our hopelessness levels.
If we feel helpless in situations, we are sure to feel hopeless in that area.
When I first read "Learned Helplessness" in the book "Essentialism" by Greg McKeown, my arms went weak, and my body went numb. Safe to say, it struck a chord deep in me. If you've ever felt helpless, you know what I mean when I say feeling powerless is linked to feeling hopeless.
A study talked about in the book by Seligman and Maier on dogs shows how this 'learned helplessness' plays out—(the study must have been years ago, but I'm sure no dogs were harmed, but I'm still a bit traumatized for the pups, but I digress…).
Here's how they did the study—they placed dogs into 1of 3 groups:
Group 1 was placed in a harness that delivered an electric shock, but they had access to a lever that would stop the shock.
Group 2 was given the same harness and the lever, but this lever didn't stop the shocks (ugh!).
Group 3 was placed in the harness but didn't receive any shocks (yay!)
Afterward, each dog was placed in a box with a short divider they could easily walk over. One side produced shocks, and the other side didn't.
The dogs that were able to stop the shocks (group 1) or had NOT been shocked (group 3) learned to step over the divider to avoid pain (yay!).
Group 2 dogs who were unable to control the shocks previously with the harness on now did nothing to help their situation (so sad!). They had learned to be helpless and laid down and accepted their fate. Awful, right?! I also want to go and rescue those group 2 dogs! But again, I digress.
The point behind the study was not to harm dogs, but what they realized is that human beings are quite similar in their responses to difficult situations as well.
We learn through life experience helplessness and hopelessness.
They say it typically shows up in one of two ways—1-people check out and stop trying OR 2- they try to do it all to compensate and because they 'don't believe they have a choice in what opportunity, assignment, or challenge to take on."—yikes.
I can relate to both.
Also, keep in mind Romans 5:3b-4 "because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope." And when we find hope, we no longer feel helpless. They go together like salt and pepper shakers.
So, what's the solution?
There are several things over time that can help, but here are three that we can start implementing today to help in areas we feel helpless or hopeless.
1-Remind yourself; "I have choices now." Unless you are still living through that abuse/trauma (and if you are—get help, please)
2-McKeon suggests, and I agree—"develop your ability to choose choice in every area of your life."— in even the smallest of decisions and tasks, choose to say "I choose to" instead of "I have to"—these little brain shifts can make a big difference in the long-run!
3-Remind yourself, "I am safe, I have what I need, and I will be ok."
Reflection: Our feelings of hopelessness and helplessness are not our fault; some events or things planted them in us. But we can take responsibility to heal those places in us and walk out of helplessness and hopelessness. You are not alone!
3 Simple Things To Do When You’re Feeling Helpless Or Hopeless That Can Help
