My Pastor is really sick. We all thought God was going to heal him (again!)—He has been sick before, the numbers weren’t good before, and God healed him. Hallelujah! So what is different this time? Why wouldn’t He heal him again? We have all been crying out for healing for months, but this time His healing (like all of ours one day) may only come in Heaven. How can we argue God’s will when literally thousands are praying? The Word says “when two or more are gathered”—well, in this case, literally thousands have been gathered and are praying for him. Why does immediate healing come for some and not for others? 

My friend calls the critics in our heads our ‘sh*tty committees’.  I once heard a Christian author refer to her self-critic as “the b*tch upstairs”. 

I just call my ‘critic committee’, “Dani". Because Dani is learning to love all parts of herself, not just the parts I like and would prefer to reveal to the world. But even the parts that I wish I didn’t have to reveal…even to myself. That is part of the journey to radical acceptance of myself and others the Lord has me on.

She said, “Where are you?” 

I said, “Home.” 

She said, “Where are you in your home and what are you wearing?” 

I said, “In bed in my pj's”

She said, “Get up and go on a walk and do something!”

Last week a mentor of mine, John Bradshaw passed away. I never met John personally, but I totally loved, admired and felt like I knew him. As a young man he dropped out of Catholic seminary and became a dynamic preacher. The guy was open, honest and totally shared God's grace in his messages. I have listened to his message series "A Theology Of Addiction" at least 10 times. I also listened to the powerful and provoking message series “Healing The Shame That Binds You"…but only once. It deals head on with the shame we tend to carry and bury, hence the reason I have only listened to it once!

I have a mentor that is nearly 30 years sober from alcohol and runs marathons. I look up to her and want to emulate her life in so many ways. I can't wait to be 30 years sober of anything. I can only imagine the wisdom that will come with that. However, if you ever hear that "Dani Sumner" ran a marathon check the I.D. because trust me, it wasn't me. And that is okay.

Hello blogging world! Nearly 6 weeks since my last post. I am told in the blogging world that is an eternity. Well, cheers to eternity then! We moved more than several weeks ago and I still feel like I am doggie paddling to stay afloat. We love our new place. But wow, I forgot how much work and effort it is to move! But this move has been so worth it. :)

For the last decade or so some part of my “New Year’s resolutions” have had a ‘weight loss’ component in them. And every year without fail I have g.a.i.n.e.d. weight—NOT lost. Cheers to consistency!

My husband got an ‘Indo Board’ for Christmas and it has led to hours of entertainment for all of us. It is a balancing board and a great core workout. I thought my first time on it was going to be my last. I have video footage to prove it. But the more I saw my 9 and 7 year old conquer it the more brave I have become.

Again, the little sneaky jerk called ‘expectations’ has shown up to steal some of my joy. “Expectations are premeditated resentments”—I LOVE that quote. It has brought me more comfort and peace this week than pumpkin pie… and this is the season for $5 pumpkin pies at Costco! 

Brennan Manning said "Notoriously missing from Evangelical Faith is self acceptance.” I agree. And I have found that the path to self acceptance is self forgiveness.

The last few years I have been on a journey learning to fully embrace and walk daily in God's grace and love. During this process I have realized how important it is to extend that same grace and love to myself as well--in ALL areas of my life.

Ever woke up in the middle of the night with anxiety?

I have. About twice a week or so for as long as I can remember. I have yet to wake up in the middle of the night to celebrate an accomplishment. Last night in the middle of the night I woke up anxious and devastated my kids are 9 and 6. Where did the time go? And as I laid there I began to beat myself up for how often I rush through the day with so much to ‘do'. Forgetting to just ‘be’. These moments in the middle of the night usually highlight and remind me of my anxious personality. They also highlight all of my failings as a mother, wife, daughter and friend.

We walked in to one of our favorite restaurants for dinner, and as the hostess was taking us to our table, we could see their hatred and judgment towards us in their faces. My heart broke as I saw them get up from their table in the middle of their meal and leave the restaurant…

Have you ever felt judged? I mean wholeheartedly judged for your race or choices or life? I have, it's awful. 

One of my goals in life is to let the whole world know—or at least those in my world, they are NOT alone. The one thing that has brought me more inner healing is knowing I AM NOT ALONE. I was plagued with feeling alone most of my life. Maybe I was supposed to be a twin and was lonely in the womb? Or more likely, it goes all the way back to the Garden of Eden and the feelings of loneliness are embedded in our DNA. Maybe Adam knew loneliness first, before Eve was ever created. 

Isaiah 64:4 “Since ancient times no one has heard, no ear has perceived, no eye has seen any God besides you, who acts on behalf of those who wait for Him.”

I have to admit, I am not so awesome at waiting. “I want what I want, and I want it now!”—I would love to give credit for that quote to one of my kids when they were toddlers, but sadly, it was their mom, yesterday. I believe “waiting” should be added to the list of Spiritual Disciplines. I will write the “Church” and ask them to add it to the list. I would rather fast than wait. But the more I think about it, that’s not true either.